Who Was The Hottest Hillbilly Girl Ever?

The Beach Boys sang about California girls, but I bet they never had the thrill of seeing a real live hillbilly girl. If they had the song would have turned out much different. I can picture the music video for Hillbilly Girls in my mind and trust me, it is hot. I would imagine that several of the women in the video would even have most of their teeth left.

Beauty

Beauty

The women on this page are the stuff that both dreams and nightmares are made of. Anyway, there are women here that will strain your eyes and make your heart skip a bit or two. I know that many of you will be tempted to right click and save, but do you really want to spread this stuff further and risk others seeing it?

You may have nightmares after you view these women. The nightmares will be triggered because you will want them so badly but not be able to have them. Remember, website women whether they be hillbilly or not are look only files so you cant squeeze them and hug them (Unless you buy very expensive software).

Anyway, enough of this rambling and on to the beautiful hillbilly gals!

Sweet Doris Ziffel

#1 - Sweet Doris Ziffel

When the discussion turns to hillbilly hotties, and it always does, most men will think right away of such beauties as Lulu Roman, Ralph (from Green Acres), and Doris Ziffel from the same show. Just take a gander at Sweet Doris and imagine her in a swimsuit. (After you recover continue reading).

We have some weird ones, even among us hillbillies, and so I will also mention Jethrine Bodine and Barney Fife the cross dresser. (Oh you didn’t know that ole Barney was a cross dresser? More on that later).

This page is for those real men out there who want to admire beautiful women (or a reasonable facsimile thereof) and aint afraid to admit it. Real men like the ones from back in the good ole days when men were men and sheep were nervous.

Something Different About Jethrine Bodine

Hillbilly Beauty Jethrine Bodine

#2 - Jethrine Bodine

Modern supermodels couldn’t stand up to the natural beauty of real hillbilly women, but I admit that they could very well give hillbilly cross dressers like Jethrine here a run for the money.

However, if you are in the group of men who is smiling at Jethrine’s picture right now then maybe you don’t care about supermodels anyway. If you are in the group of women who are smiling at the picture then maybe you’re straighter than you think. To either group I suggest that you read on down for Barney the cross dresser.

Jethrine was Pearl Bodines daughter… err uhhh.. well, lets just say she was Pearl’s young’n, and was almost as pretty as her maw.

Sweet Temptress Ralph

Hillbilly Hottie Ralph

#3 - Hillbilly Hottie Ralph

Sweet beautiful Ralph was a character on Green Acres. Ralph was what made Green Acres so successful and was responsible for the show not being cancelled immediately.

The producers were smart and they knew that both men and women were in love with this beautiful temptress. The only reason people watched Green Acres was because they hoped to catch a glimpse of her. If she weren’t in the cast no one would have watched it.

Lulu Roman

#4 - Lulu Roman

The sad thing was that the writers never let her find love in the series. Although we know that they did that to save us home viewers from heart ache and pain it is still sad. Yet, how sad it would have been to have had to watch someone else hold the beloved Ralph girl.

LuLu Roman

Lulu Roman was a member of the Hee Haw show and was the only reason we gathered in front of our TV sets to watch the show. So many of us grew up watching Lulu and dreaming about her and hoping that someday we could be lucky enough to find a hillbilly woman of our very own who was as beautiful she was. Lulu was so beautiful that it literally hurt your eyes just to look at her.

Cross Dresser & Hillbilly Heart Breaker Barney

Now for Barney Fife the cross dresser. On more than one episode of The Andy Griffith Show Barney dressed up as a woman. Naturally, Barney rationalized his behavior referring to his clothes as a disguise, yeah right. Once he even “disguised” himself as a mannequin.

Barney Fife

#5 1/2 - Barney Fife

In one episode he dressed up as a woman to foil a robber. On another he dressed up as a bride for Earnest T. Bass of all people (Image on left), but as it usually does on shows like this the wedding between the two didn’t go through and Earnest’s heart was broken once again. It was a very sad episode indeed and people everywhere cried when they saw how Earnest’s emotions were toyed with and how his hopes and dreams of a happy life with Barney were shattered. It took a long time for Barney to shake the nickname Hillbilly Heart Breaker and even longer for Earnest T. Bass to become a celebrity. The depression he suffered ruined his career and followed him throughout the rest of his life as a voice for fake cartoon characters instead of playing real people like on TV shows. (They are real people aint they?)

What else do we know about Barney? He was never married and as far as we ever saw in the series he never did make a move on Juanita or any of his other girlfriends.

Hee Haw Honey

Misty Rowe

#Pity Mention - Misty Rowe

There is one more hillbilly hottie who I would like to mention. I am including her here more out of pity than anything else. I feel sorry for the poor girl and I know she has had a hard time because of her homely looks. I thought I would give her a little boost and maybe make her feel a little better about herself for being included with such beautiful women (and pseudo-women).

Her real name is Misty Rowe but she better known as THE Hee Haw Honey. She was a cast member of the Hee Haw show, but they kicked her out because she wasn’t as good looking as Lulu and they were always fighting about it. “I wish I looked like you!” she said to Lulu and then she went off crying and packed her bags. She begged her way onto a new show called the Hee Haw Honeys which was canceled soon afterwards. ( Read more about the Hee Haw Honeys )

Take a look at this poor homely Hee Haw Honey. Does your hillbilly wife look like that?

Jane Hathaway

Jane Hathaway

#? - Jane Hathaway

NOTE: Jane Hathaway was not a hillbilly, but if she had been she would have won as THE most beautiful and THE hottest hillbilly woman of all time. Even in this small thumbnail image you can see how incredible this creature was.

Since Jane actually knew some real live hillbillies I thought she deserved at least a mention on this prestigious blog page that I am sure will go down in history (I just hope it goes up in traffic!). I try to do my part for the advancement of the Arts and Humanities by providing people with stuff to read when they are on break from doing anything productive.

Thanks for reading this far. I can hardly believe you have read this silly thing all the way to the last period.

Here is our runner up for the Hottest Hillbilly Girl (Added by special request!):

Daisy Duke ~ Catherine Bach

Daisy Duke ~ Catherine Bach

 

Daisy Duke ~ Jessica Simpson

Daisy Duke ~ Jessica Simpson

Written by David Slone, Copyright 2008 ~ 2009 all rights reserved and may not be copied or republished in any way without express permission.

Comments

39 Responses to “Who Was The Hottest Hillbilly Girl Ever?”
  1. willard says:

    This is some of the funniest stuff I have read. Maybe I am weird but I think the Hee Haw Honey was the best!

  2. Clem Bob says:

    Somehow this reminds me of the Munsters where Marilyn was considered the ugly one!

    Hello Misty Rowe!

  3. Let’s not forget Mrs. Ziffle #2, name unknown at the moment, she was a character actress(?) who was cast as not only a hillbilly beauty (?) but played non-hillbilly beauties (?) in many movies and television, and did voice-overs in like Fractured Fairy Tales on The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show. Now for Barney Fife, I think he was bi, a switchhitter, ya know. There was one episode where he and his girlfriend, Luann, I think, maybe,(comment please if you any of the names I can’t think of) the one he and Andy’s girlfriend the druggist and Andy would double date with, were once in the back of the jail and he came out with his hair and shirt mussed up lipstick kissy smudgees on his face, but on the show I don’t think you ever saw any real, hot action. The hottest they ever got in Mayberry was Aunt Bea (another Hillbilly Hottie) giving Opie a goodnight peck on the forehead. Oh, and lets not forget about those two hotties that Andy and Barney hooked up with those swingin’ babes in that sin city known as Mt. Pilot!

  4. Oh yeah! And what was the name of that other JHillbilly Hottie, you know Aunt Bea’s friend? OOOOOOH! Was she a looker!

  5. Clem Bob says:

    I remember Aunt Beas friend, but I don’t recall her name. She was slim and trim with black hair and a real looker. If I remember correctly she was the one who won all the Pickle contests wasn’t she?

    Just think, beautiful AND she can make pickles too! What a catch!

  6. kimberly owens says:

    As an aging hill-billy transplant living out here in California, my belief in myself has been restored by your wonderful photos. Thabks for reminding me that eastern Kentucky women ROCK! -regardless of our age…:)

  7. The Crazy Hillbilly says:

    Hmmm, I used to know a Kimberly Owens when I went to college… Thanks for your comment and I do agree that Hillbilly women are the best of all.

  8. Funny Signs says:

    That is a great post . I got loads of laughs. My favorite is Daisy Duke and Ellie May.

  9. clash says:

    I would like to take this time to officially nominate Barney Fife for two prestigious awards: hottest hillbilly woman, and hottest hillbilly man.

  10. Smitty says:

    Dang! I was really expecting to see some hillbilly hotties when I found this page! I wasn’t disappointed when I saw that Misty Rowe chick, never heard of her but she looks sweet.

    Jethrine and the rest of them… mercy!

  11. doug friend says:

    love it

  12. Jackie says:

    Darn it!! they’ve got me all jealous now…they’re smouldering, apart from Misty Rowe…eww

  13. The Crazy Hillbilly says:

    You shouldnt say such things about that poor homely girl Misty – all hillbilly women is God’s chil’ens and all God’s chil’ens need love ;)

  14. Jackie says:

    I feel ashamed…sorry Misty, bet you’re beautiful on the inside!!

  15. Rich from Wichita says:

    I remember watching Jethrine when I was very young on the Beverly Hillbillies – I was mesmerized. So demure and charming, yet such a brute. A classic 1960s moment and some of Max Baer’s finest work (next to Macon County Line).

  16. Granny Vaughn says:

    This is great! First off it would go.. I wish they all could be like Kentucky girls..etc.

    You started #1 off with Doris Ziffel. I am outraged! There is only one woman in hillbillydum[my word by the way] who can wear that crown! Granny ….Clampett?. I dont no her but by Granny, but she has been my ideal of what a woman is ,and I always hoped Id grow up to be just as fine a woman as she.My Grandchildren call me Granny, and one day I hope to live up to her name. She could wear her old tater sack skirt and boots or her fur and be just as hot in either. When she grabs her shotgun and heads after somebody it just makes me wanna do it too.

    Wont even comment on Jethrine Bodine.She was always jealous of Granny.

    As for Ralph on Green Acres, she got romantically involved with her co-worker [see uppity northern snobs, even hillbillys have those]. Of course it was only after much pushing and primping from that ugly hag Lisa Douglas. But they were still a couple when the show ended.

    Lulu Roman, wow, now theres a siren. She had it all, smile, curves, big hair,and could she sing, the whole package.

    On to Mayberry. In keeping with the theme of this topic, how could you forget Thelma Lou. She was actually Barneys steady girl long before Andy had a steady girl. And Aunt Beas friend was Clara, I believe Johnson was her last name. She should have authored a beauty/ pickling book, it was rumored that she used her secret pickling recipe for her skin as well. I hope that recipe didnt die with her. Well, this has been fun, cant wait for more.

  17. Livebait McKinney says:

    I reckon yew haul done mist thee most finest be-yew-tee of them awl. Buy that I meen, Lulu of Roy 98 fame at “Roy’s Kustom Komputers and Flee Market Items” website…. http://www.angelfire.com/poetry/extryfine/roy98. Scroll ‘um down to the bottum tew see her and bee pre pared tew sweat.

    Yores truly and sign it.

    Livebait McKinney
    Septic City, New Bob
    Come see us at alt.appalachian

    And if yew liked Lulu, send me six bucks and become instantly famous.

  18. Cyberbilly says:

    Whar the hail iz Daisy Duke?

  19. The Crazy Hillbilly says:

    Hello Cyberbilly, do ya reckon Daisy Duke belongs up here with the likes of such hotties as Jethrine Bodine and LuLu Roman?

  20. mythbuster2009 says:

    That’s a great pic of Jane Hathaway, Hillbilly Crackpot! Very typical of the expression constantly seen ‘in character’ on the show. Whoops – guess I almost gave my age right out there – since I still remember that show!

  21. Pappy says:

    Whats a matter with youall people eneyway Eillymay is the hottest hillbilly gal of all time.

  22. Jimbob who married his first cousin Hilda says:

    A ozark beuity is someone who has MOST of her teeth

  23. Wilbert C. Percivial says:

    A sexy hillbilly is a female who has hair from her bellybutton to the middle of her back and smells like a dead carp on the beach in july!!

  24. Chester B. Molester says:

    My sister has always been the sexiest hillbilly we have 6 children togater

  25. Billy Joe Bob says:

    What about the girls in Hooterville? And of course she wasn’t an origonal hillbilly but you missed Eva Gardner on Green acres.

  26. The Crazy Hillbilly says:

    Ha ha ha “Hooter” ville

  27. Lorena Wadina Mae says:

    I shore do wish I wuz as good-lookin’ as these purty wimmen. But all I want to know is, can they cook possum the right way? Do they know that you have to get them spaicial possum for eatin,’ not just raglar possum? If they don’t know ’bout cookin’ possum and other critters, all that beauty will jest go to waste.

  28. Watkins P. Ubangher says:

    Well wistle thuw my tooth. My old ladi iz the sexst when she swets it drips off ur fatsrolz!!! when shi bathz down at the krick iz gets a woodi

  29. ugly carol 36ffff says:

    Hottest hillbilly girl besides me..is porkys daughter blossom. Wow great body snd bracket s whew doggy!!!!(

  30. Skeeter "Live Bait" McKinney says:

    I all ways thawt that Snuffy’s wife Lowezy wuz mighty perky looking. I wonder if she has a twin sister?

  31. Porkchop McDuff says:

    How about all the womens from the TV shoe the real mccoys

  32. possum fat denny says:

    myz womanz cooks anz kleanz fur me she evns wipez my butts with a ole cornkobz for me. she mayz smells like a dead carp atz low tide butz shez all mines. shez only gots 3 teefs in her head and chews tobbacy

  33. Bole Weavel Joe Wanker says:

    WooWee I justs seens my beaute Shez got boobies the size of watrmelons and hair like my coon dogz she can suck start my semi. Shes mustz b furtile cauz shez gots more hair down yonder than a grizz bear. whenz she weres her thong the hair sticks out like two skunks slepn on a stump

  34. I’z married my’z hottest hillbilly womanz wez gots married when i waz 13 an shez waz 10. I’m now 22 and shz 19 wez has 7 kidz she pops em out every yeir not 2 surz what kauzes that tho

  35. Someone's in the JohnBoy Walton says:

    They sexyist hillbilly womans iz all those simple minded tea baggers out there like that hick from Walsillia

  36. Kipper Salad says:

    The sexiest woman is one who knows their PLACE! One who knows to walk behind their Man, one who ONLY speaks when spoken too!!!

  37. Clem Bob says:

    I think it is obvious that you dont know much about hillbilly girls at all :)

  38. Kipper Salad says:

    this is to clem bob u must not be a true tea bagging republican cause thats what they wanna take women back too!!!

  39. Clem Bob says:

    Completely irrelevant – This site is Hillbilly Crackpot NOT a political stage for you AND I still say “you dont know much about hillbilly girls at all”

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