Today we are going to look at the truth about Hillbilly stereotypes. Remember, every word of this is true. (or it wouldn’t be on the Internet!)
To most of America, a Hillbilly is a person, usually white, uneducated, and living in the southern United States. The word Hillbilly is sometimes used as an insult, but more commonly it’s used in a joking fashion.
A common stereotype of Hillbilly life is that we are all inbred. Ask your self this: Is everyone in the south hideously deformed? If you answered yes, LEAVE NOW. My purpose here is to disprove all the unfair stereotypes that Hillbillies are forced to live with. All (ok, most) of these stereotypes are completely false.
A common myth is that all hillbillies live in the middle of the woods, and eat whatever they accidentally hit in their car. This is true!*
*Okay, no, it’s not true. But it is realistic. If you think about it, roadkill would be pretty tasty. When you, as a northerner, eat your fancy little pre-packaged veggie burger, not only are you slowly diminishing your manhood (quite literally in some cases), you are also trusting whoever manufactured that veggie burger. Who knows, companies who produce veggie burgers are businesses as well, and God knows businesses in these tough economical times could use a little break on expenses. Maybe that healthy “veggie” burger is actually just some road kill, spit, and a touch of parsley. But when you eat road kill, you are fully aware of what you are eating. And boy is it good!
Another stereotype is that Hillbillies are Rednecks. This is absolutely not true! Our necks are tastefully tan, with areas of black. I asked a doctor about it once, and he mumbled some medical nonsense about the oil that comes from certain easily-killed animals. I don’t have a clue what he was talking about.
The stereotype that really makes me angry is that all Hillbillies listen to banjo music. I, as a full-fledged Hillbilly, love classical music. There is just something about listening to Bach while scraping dinner of the road… Can you say irony?
Though Hillbillies take a lot of crap, they are really a friendly, industrious, and hospitable people. Also, you should know that we have just as many stereotypes for Northerners as you do for Hillbillies! And be careful when making fun of hillbillies. We know where you live (somewhere north of where we live, right…?)
Copyright 2009 David Slone all rights reserved and may not be copied or republished in any way without express permission.