Hillbillies And Tasty Roadkill

Today we are going to look at the truth about Hillbilly stereotypes. Remember, every word of this is true. (or it wouldn’t be on the Internet!)

To most of America, a Hillbilly is a person, usually white, uneducated, and living in the southern United States. The word Hillbilly is sometimes used as an insult, but more commonly it’s used in a joking fashion.

A common stereotype of Hillbilly life is that we are all inbred. Ask your self this: Is everyone in the south hideously deformed? If you answered yes, LEAVE NOW. My purpose here is to disprove all the unfair stereotypes that Hillbillies are forced to live with. All (ok, most) of these stereotypes are completely false.

A common myth is that all hillbillies live in the middle of the woods, and eat whatever they accidentally hit in their car. This is true!*

Roadkill Possum Delight

Roadkill Possum Delight

*Okay, no, it’s not true. But it is realistic. If you think about it, roadkill would be pretty tasty. When you, as a northerner, eat your fancy little pre-packaged veggie burger, not only are you slowly diminishing your manhood (quite literally in some cases), you are also trusting whoever manufactured that veggie burger. Who knows, companies who produce veggie burgers are businesses as well, and God knows businesses in these tough economical times could use a little break on expenses. Maybe that healthy “veggie” burger is actually just some road kill, spit, and a touch of parsley. But when you eat road kill, you are fully aware of what you are eating. And boy is it good!

Another stereotype is that Hillbillies are Rednecks. This is absolutely not true! Our necks are tastefully tan, with areas of black. I asked a doctor about it once, and he mumbled some medical nonsense about the oil that comes from certain easily-killed animals. I don’t have a clue what he was talking about.

The stereotype that really makes me angry is that all Hillbillies listen to banjo music. I, as a full-fledged Hillbilly, love classical music. There is just something about listening to Bach while scraping dinner of the road… Can you say irony?

Though Hillbillies take a lot of crap, they are really a friendly, industrious, and hospitable people. Also, you should know that we have just as many stereotypes for Northerners as you do for Hillbillies! And be careful when making fun of hillbillies. We know where you live (somewhere north of where we live, right…?)

Copyright 2009 David Slone all rights reserved and may not be copied or republished in any way without express permission.

Comments

15 Responses to “Hillbillies And Tasty Roadkill”
  1. Ain’t nuthin’ like a rabbit with smashed head, or when ol’ Rocky racoon runs out of luck! Then thares ol’George Jones, good and bloated lak in yoor picher up above.And theres groundhog renderings!Mmmmm boy! howdy!And don’t forget ol’ sneaky snake, as long as thers enuf of um left, that he didn’t get totally sqwooshed! And then you hit the Jackpot and find a clean hit deer! That’s meat fer a month er two! I still loooove BANJER MUSIK!!!

  2. Oh! and lets not forget ol’Pepe le pew. Good ol’ pole cat stew. Mmmm Mmm Mmmm! Simmering in it’s own juices. Funky skunk stew. yum yumm!

  3. The Crazy Hillbilly says:

    Well, the best thing about roadkill is that it is always car season!

  4. James says:

    A few days ago I was driving along and a skunk ran right out in front of me. I tried to slow down so I wouldnt hit it but it was too late. Even though it was just a skunk I felt really bad about hurting the critter. Funny that just a few days later I come across this nutty site and see this article.

  5. clash says:

    Just wait till you nab a fresh squirrel. They are absolutely scrumptious. Unfortunately, they aren’t quite as dumb as the possum, so if you find one, consider it a treat!

  6. Jackie says:

    You wanna try my next door neighbours fat Rotweiller stew…hmmm nothing like that…still lickin’ me pouty lips rememberin’

  7. Granny Vaughn says:

    Well now heres a topic I can sink my teeth into. O.K., the coon, [RAcoon to you northerners] has got more uses then just a yummy supper. The meat is about enuff fer tew meals fer a famuly of fower. Theys fower leyugs, what makes each kinfolk a good backscratcher,iffun yew cuts awf his legs afore yew skin him. Them eyes makes nice marbles fer them too yunguns. The innerds make a good stew long as he had a good poop afore yew ran hym down, iffun not yew gotta clean it owt. The hide makes a reel smart cap for when it gits cold.The teeth arr, of kowerss put in a poltuss fer curin an healin everthang frum the gits,[the runs to you northeners], to the vapors[gas to you northerners].Iffun yew got yerseff enuff o them bone wind bells, why the dawgs arr happy ta shair in the feast that is……..Highway Cuisine!!!

  8. Hillbilly hEVANER says:

    Road kill is abtulutley scrumpsitcs roast it n put it in a stew it aint get better than that.I jus love roadkill who with me .my aunt bobby makes the best side of the road possum ! i jus take my bebe gun n shoot them. some free possum tnight. YE HALL. instead of bringn home the bacon i bring home the roadkill HONEY IM HOME WITH THE POSSUM. with my 10 kids i need the food. wIth the kill i make some home whiskey.WiTHyou northrens have your expensive tofu bugers I get the food for FREE.

    bY NOW YALL IM GON TO GET SOME PREY

  9. oldgeeze59 says:

    Sure is something curious about this website. I don’t think genuine HillBilly’s are doing any of the writing, but since it’s supposed to be entertaining and fun, I won’t protest too much about the drawl, purposely misspelled words and impressions of what a real hillbilly should sound like.

    It can be somewhat demeaning and insulting to the real hill folk, from my point of view. In any case, I’ve always wanted to meet a genuine hill person, but never got the chance. Always heard about their corn whiskey and white lightning too, but never had a sip.

    My Dad was good friends with a family in West Virginia who lived in a tumble-down shack for years and years but I never got to go; they left me with my Grandmother. He and his buddy served in WWII and became fast friends although they lived hundreds of miles apart. Are West Virginians considered hill people?

    Anyway, one day, oil and gas was discovered on the property. Couldn’t have happened to a nicer bunch, but it didn’t go to their head. They still continued to live in the shack. Only trouble was when my Mom complained on one of their visits about the snake that bit her as she was walking through the screen door. My Dad took a look and determined it wasn’t poisonous, but she was so scared, she sat up all night ontop of the kitchen table. Truth be known, I think it tackled her shoe and didn’t actually bite her. Dad said they had about 35 hunting dogs on the property. Imagine the howling and ruckus from those dogs when they smelled game. I’ve got some old photos too of the whole clan.

    The buddy’s wife is still living now in her late 80′s, but unfortunately Dad’s buddy passed a couple of years back. Dad’s still living and will turn 90 in a couple of months having outlived two wives. For a Yankee, he could pass for a real live hillbilly and gets teased a lot . Played the “juice harp” himself and guitar, and loves the old, twangy country songs he still listens to with one good ear.

  10. The Crazy Hillbilly says:

    Hello oldgeeze59

    Thanks for your very interesting comment. To be honest this website IS written by a hillbilly, me. I grew up in southeastern Ky. Also, you should be aware that the purpose of this site is not to present real hillbillies. It’s purpose is to make fun of the stupid stereotypes hillbillies have had to endure for so long.

  11. This website is too funny, I live in PA and have a grandson living in MT. We continually write back and forth about this type of thing. Gathering, cooking and eating “roadkill”.
    So he sent this information to me and I got a good laugh from it, especially since it’s so similar to what we go on and on about over the internet, and get lots of good chuckles.
    Along these rural roads I travel, there is always roadkill available, if I would desire to pick up the critters and make a good soup or stew!!
    Thanks for a good laugh for the day……
    Happy eating.

  12. As I travel the rural roads in PA, many different types of “roadkill” is available. I have a grandson living in MT, and we often email back and forth about this very thing; getting, cooking and eating roadkill. We really get some good laughs from sharing these bits of humor. So this information really tickled my funny-bone as I read it. I’m sure a good combination of possum, skunk, ground hog, and deer would make a very tasty stew to be enjoyed in the winter months ahead!!!
    HAPPY EATING………

  13. daisymoss says:

    I was searching online for a possum stew recipe to include in my Pop’s fathers’ day card and found your site. What a treat! I grew up in my PawPaw Preston’s home and he was from Alabama and Gramma was from Oklahoma, so I had the best of both worlds. Thank you for sharing all the recipes and humor. I’ve got to go and draw my water now, so take care til next time. Daisymoss, proud hillbilly girl

  14. The Crazy Hillbilly says:

    why thank ye miss daisymoss! It does my heart good to know that folks is enjoyin this. But I often wonder what the possums might think!

  15. denise says:

    Just love this page im a hillbilly at heart. Even though I live in England! I have family in Kentucky and I have visited twice and plan to live there some day:-)

Leave a Reply