The Lard Bucket Cowboy

What is it with all these jokes about hillbillies and farm animals? Can a farm animal really be man’s best friend? Or is that all just a myth? Well, it seems to be a little of both. Read on and you will see what I mean. Everything I am about to tell you is completely true.

One morning around the break of daylight a farmer went to his barn to tend his animals. When he walked up the hill and came around to the barn he saw a strange sight. There was this fella, about 16 years old, standing on a metal lard bucket (Yep, we used to get lard in a big metal bucket!). The bucket was turned upside down and was situated at the rear end of one of the old man’s cows. You may have already guessed it, but if not, ole Larry was servicing that heifer in a special way. When he saw the old man he jumped off that bucket with his pants around his ankles and tripped and fell before finally getting up and running away. Too late, the old man recognized him.

Happy Cow

As you can imagine it didn’t take long at all for the word to get around. The next morning a bunch of us were on the bus headed for school. We were laughing and talking about Larry as we pulled over to where he got on the bus. As soon as he boarded I started singing a song for him. It was in the tune of the Rhinestone Cowboy (By Glenn Campbell) but the words were a little different. It started out with, “Like a lard bucket cowboy…” and went in to talk about how he gave it to cows he didn’t even know. Everyone thought it was funny, except for Larry who just looked out the window and perhaps went to a “happy place” in his mind. Even the bus driver laughed.

I actually ran into ole Larry the Lard Bucket Cowboy a couple years ago. I recognized him right off the bat even though I hadnt seen him in so many years. The first thing that hit me was the urge to go, “Moooo!” as we did so many times during the heyday of the Lard Bucket Cowboy. But I didnt. We passed each other. We made eye contact for just a moment (I saw the recognition) and he looked down. I’m sure I had just reminded him of his first love; maybe he was longing for that heifer. It was both sad and romantic if you ask me.

Poor fella, I wonder how many years it took before people finally stopped riding him about it; several I’m sure. And now to top it off here it is practically 30 years later and his story is being put online! What a world… What a world… (Thanks Mel)

Remember, these stories are intended in fun. Although the names have been changed (to protect the guilty) they are absolutely true and some guys out there actually went through all this stuff and now have to live with it in their dreams. On the other hand we must also remember that farm animals are God’s chilluns too and all God’s chilluns just need some lovin’.

By D Slone, Copyright 2009

Filed under: General Funny

Comments

3 Responses to “The Lard Bucket Cowboy”
  1. Gregory Brown says:

    David,

    I hope to God you’re kidding about all these stories, or I’m going to have nightmares. The stuff that I write is absolutely true. I’ve even eaten hog’s head cheese, if you know what that is.? Do ya?

    I know what it is to plant tobacco, by hand. I know a little about gettin’ a red neck. Workin’ out in the sun, and sweatin’ like a rented mule!

    Please tell me it ain’t so! I’ll never get a decent night’s sleep! Ifn you’d like, you can just tell me a lie…, I might sleep better.

    Gregory Brown

  2. DR says:

    Yuck. I have nothing more to say.

  3. The Crazy Hillbilly says:

    Hey Greg

    This story is completely true, sorry :) ! I do know what hogs head cheese is but have never eaten it. I have done more than my share of work in tobacco and out in the sun digging or tossing hay bales. ~ Hope you sleep well man…

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