Hillbilly Crackpot » hillbilly

Educational Programs For The Non-Hillbilly

The Crazy Hillbilly — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 19:12:19 +0000

Before television hillbillies arrived on the scene much of the non-hillbilly world knew very little about these elusive people. I mean, have you ever seen National Geographic go film any crazy hillbillies?

The most well known hillbilly show, of course, was the Beverly Hillbillies. Many other fine educational programs designed to inform the world about the fine points of hillbilly life were produced over the years. Millions of people learned what a hillbilly was and how they behaved while they sat in front of their TVs. It was educational programming for the non-hillbilly (hillbilly challenged?) which presented a true life picture of hillbilly behavior.

Great educational classics such as Li’l Abner and Ma and Pa Kettle paved the way for a brighter future for humanity by providing the world with a historically and culturally accurate depiction of the hillbilly in his (or her) native habitat.

One of my favorite programs was Hee Haw which was hosted by Buck Owens and Roy Clark and featured both the ugliest and the prettiest of the hillbilly women folk as well as the smartest and the dumbest…

Outhouse Diving For Drunk Hillbilly Girl

The Crazy Hillbilly — Sun, 14 Dec 2008 00:33:47 +0000

I have never lived in a house where we had to have an outhouse, but I do recall family members who did. Whenever we went to stay with any of these people we knew that we were going to be trudging out to the outhouse in the middle of the night.

According to some stories there was a 12 year old girl who went out around midnight to go to the outhouse. A long time passed but she didn’t come back into the house. Her parents became very worried and went out to check on her. The outhouse door was shut so they knocked on the door, “Are ya in thar? (Spoken as one word ‘ar-yin-thar’)” There was no reply.

The father opened the door to find the outhouse empty. They searched all around the yard and the barn but could not find her.

Suddenly the mother got a terrible idea. What if she had fallen into the outhouse pit? The father ran back to the outhouse and began yelling down the hole. He started tearing and pushing the outhouse walls down and…

Hillbilly Cream Of Wheat

The Crazy Hillbilly — Sat, 13 Dec 2008 21:57:25 +0000

I do love Cream of Wheat and I do have a box in the kitchen. I think after I post this Cream of Wheat stuff I am going to go into the kitchen and fire up the old coal stove and run out to the well to get me some water and then I am a gonna make me some of that delicious Cream of Wheat (I wish they were paying me to say that but they aint).

Anyway, here is a Hillbilly Cream of Wheat recipe and an old old magazine ad which proves that cartoon characters have long been moonlighting in advertising. Humans are a commercial creature so it is completely normal for our fictional characters to be so as well.

Take your left over Cream of Wheat, or cook some up just to try this recipe, you will like it. This is very similar to the fried mush that restaurants like Bob Evan’s and Cracker Barrel serve and just as good.

Mold the Cream of Wheat into a slightly greasy pan. Lard works best, but some of you non-hillbillies will probably want…

Hillbillies Gather In Huge Numbers

The Crazy Hillbilly — Sat, 13 Dec 2008 18:51:46 +0000

Hillbilly Days is an annual festival held in Pikeville, Kentucky. Hillbilly Days is much like any other festival except there are hillbillies everywhere you look!

I have visited the Hillbilly Days festival a few times and I have to tell you that I am not too impressed by it. But that’s just me. The only part I really enjoyed for myself was the live bluegrass music and of course it is fun to watch the kids have fun.

As far as I can tell Hillbilly Days is just like any other festival I have checked out – over commercialized. Maybe it has always been that way, but it seems like when I was a kid there was a lot more to a festival than vendors selling highly over priced souvenirs and food.

I’m really not sure what big orange panties and big clown polka dotted ties have to do with hillbillies, but hey it looks like they are having some fun there.

Well, I didn’t intend on bumming you out about this festival but if I didn’t and ya wanna read more about Hillbilly…

Hey Pappy Daddy Grampa!

The Crazy Hillbilly — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 12:34:13 +0000

Just a generation or two ago many hillbillies still didn’t know the exact details of how a baby came to be. In fact a lot of them didn’t know any general details either. A couple generations ago I didn’t know anything about the subject myself, but that was mostly due to my age, which was none.

This man and his daughter had been having some special family lovin’. One day he was surprised by the arrival of a newborn son, errr uhhh grandson, well in any event a kid was born and wasn’t expecting it. Little buddy, your daddy-papaw loves you and you’re gonna grow up to be a fine plow boy someday!

Hillbilly Stereotypes And Nutty Buckeyes

The Crazy Hillbilly — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 18:22:18 +0000

Having spent a lot of my youth in the Kentucky hills I grew up hearing and seeing all the stereotypes associated with “hillbillies” and country folk. While people have different ways of speaking and doing things in different parts of the world most of the stereotypes are greatly exaggerated and some aren’t even close.

These days the cultural differences among people from different parts of the US are growing smaller and smaller. It is as though the world is getting smaller. 30 years ago you might have to drive 25 miles of narrow, curving roads through the steep hills to get to a major store. Today the same person can just get on the “new” four lane highway and be there in less than 15 minutes as they drive in excess of 55 mph.

Cable and satellite television, free or low cost nationwide telephone calls and the Internet have also made the world, for all practical intents, a smaller place. Children are growing up with television and the world wide web and even those who live in the “boonies” are exposed to

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