Howdy y’all my names Gerty and sum guy done told me that if I wood write sumthin fer his website then I cud get real famus and mebee wind up gittin rich one day. Lawd, it shore wood be right nice to be livin high on the hawg! Welp, since I warnt doin nothin anyhow but apart from fatnin up these here three possums me and my bruther done catched and baby sittin fer my 16 grand chilluns so I up and decided I wood write sumthin.
My furst problim was I never did larn to read nor write, but I have a grand youngin named Merly Jean that kin write so these here words are her a writin down what I’m a tellin her.
Well let me tell you what I was mad to my soul when I lissened to my young Merly Jean read what was on this here website. If y’all dont stop makin funna us hill folks I’m a gonna get my Merly Jean to hep me make my own website and tell everbody not to go to that hillbilly crackpot website no more. I’ll tell folks whuts the truth bout us hill folk and we dont cotton ta none o this here hillbilly crackin pot stuff. Except for what parts is about dem northners.
I saw one a dem northners one time and I didnt like dem shoes he had on atall! I always heared that they wored shoes but it twarnt nothin like seein it with my own eyes! But honey that was a long time ago. These days most a the reglar kids is all a waring shoes and the men gotta have boots for when they go huntin. Thangs has shore changed from what it was when I was a youngin. Why the other day I seed a growed man that had green hare a standin up all over his head and more make up than my sister Tidly Mae ever wore in her life. Whats a goin on out thar in the world is whut I am a wondrin bout.
Anyway all this gets me up to what my second problem was. What in tarnation was I gonna say on a website? I walked round pert near a week a thankin what I was gonna get Merly Jean to write up for that fellers website then I thought of the perfect thang. I comed up with sumthin that wood teach yall whut bein a hillbilly rilly means, but afore I got back to the house I dun fergat what it was. The reason bein was a caws a whut happen when I was a checkin on the hawgs.
We gats these two hawgs that ole Pappy Dannels sold us lass sprang. Pappy that old coot dun told us that they was jess baby piglets and we give the old codger four cort jars of my old dead husbands shine fer em. Well child the months went by and dem pigs never did get much bigger. The just got uglier. I’m a tellin ya whuts the truth now!
One day sum travlin animal doctor came though here and ma cousin Alvis saw him down thar at sum kind of fare er sumthin. Alvis told him bout are hawgs and so he came over to take a look see at em. Has anyone heard of a viamanese pot belly pig? Well up to that day neether had we! Ole Pappy Dannels had sold us fake pigs and now we hadda figger out how to eat em. Lord we like to starve ta death waitin fer dem hawgs to get big enuff ta eat so by the time we put em down it twarnt much morn supper.
Anyway, I was a spose to be a tellin yall whut happened when I was a checkin on dem hawgs. You dont care nun bout ole Pappy Dannels and are hawg problems round here. Oh, well now I fergat what it was I was a gonna tell you bout. Mebbe this writin thang aint sech a good idee after all. I jess caint thank a nothin to say on a website.
Mamaw dont know I’m a writin this part. My name is Merly Jean an I am larnin real hard so I kin be a grate writer sum day. When I grageate frum grade scool I am gonna move outta mamaws house fer good. Also mamaw dont know I put ma name in the title too!
Written by Gert and Merly Jean, Copyright 2009 HillbillyCrackpot.com all rights reserved and may not be republished in any form. (I am looking forward to reading your comments!)