I have never lived in a house where we had to have an outhouse, but I do recall family members who did. Whenever we went to stay with any of these people we knew that we were going to be trudging out to the outhouse in the middle of the night.
According to some stories there was a 12 year old girl who went out around midnight to go to the outhouse. A long time passed but she didn’t come back into the house. Her parents became very worried and went out to check on her. The outhouse door was shut so they knocked on the door, “Are ya in thar? (Spoken as one word ‘ar-yin-thar’)” There was no reply.
The father opened the door to find the outhouse empty. They searched all around the yard and the barn but could not find her.
Suddenly the mother got a terrible idea. What if she had fallen into the outhouse pit? The father ran back to the outhouse and began yelling down the hole. He started tearing and pushing the outhouse walls down and finally managed to tear lose the seat. He jumped down into the hole and started feeling around in the.. well you know what it was…
About that time a sheriff’s car pulled into the driveway. The Sheriff honked the horn and stepped out. The mother waited for the father to climb back up out of the family’s sewage collection and they walked across the yard and down to the Sheriff. When they got there they discovered their daughter in the back seat! According to the sheriff she had snuck off with some other girls to get drunk. Naturally when the girl got near her father she lost everything she had in her stomach. Those poor hillbillies were covered in excrement and up-chuck.
Now, I would think that this is just an urban legend, but that isn’t possible. If legend at all, it is a Hillbilly Legend.
All I know is that there were monsters living in every outhouse I ever used. Some of them had six legs but most had eight! It is odd to think how scared a little kid (who isn’t accustomed to it) can get just by having to walk outside late at night and then on out to the dark and spooky (and stanky!) outhouse.
Written by David Slone, Copyright 2008 all rights reserved and may not be copied or republished in any way without express permission.