Outhouse Diving For Drunk Hillbilly Girl

Outhouse

Smurf Outhouse

I have never lived in a house where we had to have an outhouse, but I do recall family members who did. Whenever we went to stay with any of these people we knew that we were going to be trudging out to the outhouse in the middle of the night.

According to some stories there was a 12 year old girl who went out around midnight to go to the outhouse. A long time passed but she didn’t come back into the house. Her parents became very worried and went out to check on her. The outhouse door was shut so they knocked on the door, “Are ya in thar? (Spoken as one word ‘ar-yin-thar’)” There was no reply.

Hillbilly Outhouse

Hillbilly Outhouse

The father opened the door to find the outhouse empty. They searched all around the yard and the barn but could not find her.

Suddenly the mother got a terrible idea. What if she had fallen into the outhouse pit? The father ran back to the outhouse and began yelling down the hole. He started tearing and pushing the outhouse walls down and finally managed to tear lose the seat. He jumped down into the hole and started feeling around in the.. well you know what it was…

About that time a sheriff’s car pulled into the driveway. The Sheriff honked the horn and stepped out. The mother waited for the father to climb back up out of the family’s sewage collection and they walked across the yard and down to the Sheriff. When they got there they discovered their daughter in the back seat! According to the sheriff she had snuck off with some other girls to get drunk. Naturally when the girl got near her father she lost everything she had in her stomach. Those poor hillbillies were covered in excrement and up-chuck.

Now, I would think that this is just an urban legend, but that isn’t possible. If legend at all, it is a Hillbilly Legend.

All I know is that there were monsters living in every outhouse I ever used. Some of them had six legs but most had eight! It is odd to think how scared a little kid (who isn’t accustomed to it) can get just by having to walk outside late at night and then on out to the dark  and spooky (and stanky!) outhouse.

Written by David Slone, Copyright 2008 all rights reserved and may not be copied or republished in any way without express permission.

Comments

7 Responses to “Outhouse Diving For Drunk Hillbilly Girl”
  1. artistscorner says:

    When I was a boy, I stayed with my grandparents one summer. Their somewhat extended family lived in this one home, kind of seperated to different parts of the house. Well, it was kind of different, my aunts bathed me nekkid in the kitchen,where I stood in a metal wash bucket as they scrubbed me all over with brushes,yow. The water came from a well and rain barrels. Sundays they send us youngins out to catch a chicken, through the week usually had doves or pigeons or rabbits. I can remember farmers bringing in their pigs and sheep in the evenings. Well back to the outhouse, it was a two seater, stanky for a boy who had grown up on the indoor sort. But I can remember many a dark night waitin’ until morning before I went!

  2. The Seeker says:

    My great-grandmother had an outhouse. It seemed like it was a long walk from the house, but when I saw the place years later it wasnt any more than 30 feet away from the back porch. Anyway, whenever we spent the night at her house we (my sisters and I) always dreaded going to the “bathroom”. It wasnt so bad during the day, but if you woke up in the middle of the night and had to go it was really scary.

    I actually knew a lot of kids who had outhouses back in those days. Hell, all the retro stuff keeps coming back into style outhouses may be the next hot thing!

  3. Amanda says:

    I know that this is just a joke, but I seriously wonder now how many people have really fallen into an outhouse pit. Seriously, you know its happened more than once! What a horrible thing to think about.

  4. KyHillbillyGirl says:

    Now seez my kinfolks wuz a bit more sofistikated, we always had de newest teknological stuff at our house. We didn’t haf ta go to da outhouse after dark, we had a futuristic slop jar. It was jes like the big ol cooker granny used to make soup beans, it had a lid an evertang. We did number one and number two in it and just covered up the stank with a lid til mornin!

  5. Granny Vaughn says:

    The outhouse was a test of bravery to say the least. Those pitch black nights, animals scurrying in the shadows with your every step, some big enough to break branches, others you could only hear breathe.Something would spook the horses and send you running the rest of the way, or back to the house to wait till morning.Sometimes youd just squat off the porch a few steps, but only if you really had to go, and the bears and cougars and snakes were too close to the outhouse.

    There were flies in the outhouse that were dangerous as well. Some were big enough to carry you off, they didnt suck blood off your rear, they took chunks, and from what mom said they laid eggs in your flesh, or did dad say that? Either way, what about the spiders??!!

    OMG…National Geographic could do a whole story on outhouse spiders. I dont know a count, but there was a lot more than one kind of spider in there. But, thats life long gone. Memories…..

  6. Livebait McKinney says:

    Here’s another story… very simuler tew yorn only differnt…

    I ain’t never lived in a house where we had yonder to ain’t an outhouse, but I dew recall family members who did. Hooo WEEE!!! Whenever we done went yonder to stay with any of them people we nose that we wuz a going yonder to be trudging out yonder to the outhouse in the middle of the night. Hooo WEEE!!!

    According yonder to some stories there was this hyur 12 year old girl who done went out around midnight yonder to go yonder to the outhouse. Hooo WEEE!!! A long time passed but she didn’t come back into the house. Hooo WEEE!!! Her parents became very worried and done went out yonder to check on her. Hooo WEEE!!! The outhouse door was shut so they knocked on the door, “Are ya in thar? (Spoken as one word ‘ar-yin-thar’)” There was no reply. Hooo WEEE!!!

    The father opened the door yonder to find the outhouse empty. Hooo WEEE!!! They searched all around the yard and the barn but could not find her. Hooo WEEE!!!

    Suddenly the mother got a terrible idea. Hooo WEEE!!! What if she had fallen into the outhouse pit? The father ran back yonder to the outhouse and began yelling down the hole. Hooo WEEE!!! He started tearing and pushing the outhouse walls down and finally managed yonder to tear lose the seat. Hooo WEEE!!! He jumped down into the hole and started feeling around in the. Hooo WEEE!!!. Hooo WEEE!!! well you know what it was…

    About that time a sheriff’s car pulled into the driveway. Hooo WEEE!!! The Sheriff honked the horn and stepped out. Hooo WEEE!!! The mother waited for the father yonder to climb back up out of the family’s sewage collection and they walked across the yard and down yonder to the Sheriff. Hooo WEEE!!! When they got there they discovered their daughter in the back seat! According yonder to the sheriff she had snuck off with some other girls yonder to get drunk. Hooo WEEE!!! Naturally when the girl got near her father she lost everything she had in her stomach. Hooo WEEE!!! Those poor hillbillies wuz a covered in excrement and up-chuck. Hooo WEEE!!!

    Now, I would think that this is just an urban legend, but that isn’t possible. Hooo WEEE!!! If legend at all, it is a Hillbilly Legend. Hooo WEEE!!!

    All I know is that there wuz a monsters living in every outhouse I ever used. Hooo WEEE!!! Some of them had six legs but most had eight! It is odd yonder to think how scared a little kid (who isn’t accustomed yonder to it) can get just by having yonder to walk outside late at night and then on out yonder to the dark and spooky (and stanky!) outhouse. Hooo WEEE!!!

    Copyraht. All Rahts Served and Ree Served

  7. JoAnn says:

    Grew up with an outhouse so when staying all night with a friend & a group of ‘city’
    girls it was no big deal to me for walk down the ‘sunflower path’. The slumber party turned into a night of misery when a ‘city’ girl found her glass of water turned to ice. The feather bed was a great blessing to three extra girls in it & the following morning dressing downstairs by the fire was an experience 2 “city” girls had not experienced . Wouldn’t change a thing!!!!!!!!!!!!

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