The Lard Bucket Cowboy

The Lard Bucket Cowboy

What is it with all these jokes about hillbillies and farm animals? Can a farm animal really be man’s best friend? Or is that all just a myth? Well, it seems to be a little of both. Read on and you will see what I mean. Everything I am about to tell you is completely true.

One morning around the break of daylight a farmer went to his barn to tend his animals. When he walked up the hill and came around to the barn he saw a strange sight. There was this fella, about 16 years old, standing on a metal lard bucket (Yep, we used to get lard in a big metal bucket!). The bucket was turned upside down and was situated at the rear end of one of the old man’s cows. You may have already guessed it, but if not, ole Larry was servicing that heifer in a special way. When he saw the old man he jumped off that bucket with his pants around his ankles and tripped and fell before finally getting up and running away. Too late, the …

January 12th, 2009 by Clem Bob 

Hillbillies and Cooking Roadkill for a Tasty Meal

Hillbillies and Cooking Roadkill for a Tasty Meal

Today we are going to look at the truth about Hillbilly stereotypes. Remember, every word of this is true. (or it wouldn’t be on the Internet!)

To most of America, a Hillbilly is a person, usually white, uneducated, and living in the southern United States. The word Hillbilly is sometimes used as an insult, but more commonly it’s used in a joking fashion.

A common stereotype of Hillbilly life is that we are all inbred. Ask your self this: Is everyone in the south hideously deformed? If you answered yes, LEAVE NOW. My purpose here is to disprove all the unfair stereotypes that Hillbillies are forced to live with. All (ok, most) of these stereotypes are completely false.

A common myth is that all hillbillies live in the middle of the woods, and eat whatever they accidentally hit with their car. This is true!*

January 7th, 2009 by Clem Bob 

Sheep Lover Bob

What is it with all these jokes about hillbillies and farm animals? Can a sheep really be man’s best friend? Or is that all just a myth? Well, it seems to be a little of both. Read on and you will see what I mean. Everything I am about to tell you is completely true.

Some years ago I was working with the maintenance crew at a hospital. During the summer they hired extra men, mostly for landscaping, and that was when we met Bob. Bob was in his late 40s and was about 5 foot 4 and around 120 pounds. His face and hands were reddened and weathered. You could tell he had had a fairly rough life.

Bob told us that he had spent a lot of years hitch hiking around and working on various farms from Georgia up into Kentucky. He then told us that he had had sex with just about any farm animal you could mention, but his favorite was a sheep. He told us in some detail of his nefarious adventures with such mates as goats, horses, cows, and …

January 2nd, 2009 by Clem Bob 

Hillbillies And Them Darn Uppity Northerners

Hillbillies And Them Darn Uppity Northerners

I have often been asked what it is like to be a hillbilly. Well, the question isn’t usually worded quite that way but the query is the same. Even here in the “New Millennium” there is still quite a lot of ignorance out there when it comes to hillbillies. To give you an idea of what I mean I was asked by a relative who lives in Ohio (That foreign land on the other side of the great river) if I had ever heard of King’s Island. Another time I was asked if we could get cable TV where I lived.

Often people will make comments like, “I wouldn’t want to live down there because there’s nothing to do.” Well, unfortunately or not depending upon what you like, Hillbilly country is not the wilderness some may expect, at least not any more. Whether you are in Kentucky, West Virginia, Tennessee or some other state in the Hillbilly Nation you see pretty much the same shopping malls/centers, bars and clubs, fast food restaurants, arenas, etc as you do anywhere else. Heck we even have universities, airports …

December 31st, 2008 by Clem Bob 

Uphill Both Ways The Good Old Hillbilly Days

Think you go it bad? When I was a kid we had to walk 10 miles through the snowy mountains to get to school. It snowed every day and we had no clothes or shoes. To make matters even worse, it was uphill both ways. I remember my parents making similar statements to me, now I am saying things like that to my own children. (Actually I have exaggerated what my parents told me, but not what I tell my children).

It’s true! The kids today have it so much easier than “we” did. It isn’t uncommon at all for a kid to have their own cell phone, a TV, stereo, game systems, computer, etc. in their room. When I was that age I had to carry feed to the live stock and draw water from a well (and it was uphill both ways). …

December 24th, 2008 by Clem Bob 

Educational Programs For The Non-Hillbilly

Educational Programs For The Non-Hillbilly

Before television hillbillies arrived on the scene much of the non-hillbilly world knew very little about these elusive people. I mean, have you ever seen National Geographic go film any crazy hillbillies?

The most well known hillbilly show, of course, was the Beverly Hillbillies. Many other fine educational programs designed to inform the world about the fine points of hillbilly life were produced over the years. Millions of people learned what a hillbilly was and how they behaved while they sat in front of their TVs. It was educational programming for the non-hillbilly (hillbilly challenged?) which presented a true life picture of hillbilly behavior.

Great educational classics such as Li’l Abner and Ma and Pa Kettle paved the way for a brighter future for humanity by providing the world with a historically and culturally accurate depiction of the hillbilly in his (or her) native habitat. …

December 15th, 2008 by Clem Bob 
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