Don’t Fall Asleep in the Johnny House

This morning I was out for my 20 mile run through the hills. As I was crossing one particular ridge I saw that Old Talking Tree Leaner propped up against a big Beech tree. I don’t know if he noticed me or not but I wasn’t slowing down to take the chance.

Not too long ago I was telling you about that old man who was camping in an old van down by the river ( In A Van Down By The River ). Well I had the good fortune of running into the old guy again this morning so I have some news from the hill.

So anyway, I was running along through the trees, rocks and badgers and right there in the middle of the trail was the old guy from the van. He had himself a fire built and was cooking up some coffee. He saw me coming and by the time I got to where he was he had already found a coffee cup and was reaching it to me. “Coffee?”

I looked at the cup and was completely amazed that …

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Hillbilly Kids Use To Be Able To Make Their Own Money

Making Money As A Kid Way Back When I Was One Of Them

When I was a kid we were able to earn money in many different ways. We lived out in the “boonies” and couldn’t get a “real” job but we did find ways to get cash if we weren’t too lazy.

Here is what some of my friends and I did to get our spending money.

We all saved pop bottles and copper. Boys would strip copper wires out of any old appliance that was thrown out. There were places and ways to get copper from time to time and we hoarded it like it was gold. A guy’s copper collection could even be used to “trade on”.

16 Ounce ReturnablesThe deposit on a 16 ounce returnable glass bottle was ten cents. Folks still tossed them out of car windows and left them laying around. When folks went fishing or camping or something like that they never seemed to want to carry their trash back out with them. That included their returnable pop bottles, just left behind. It didn’t take long to collect up a …

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At Our Place We Had Animals

At our place we had animals, and having animals meant work. Seems to me that animals were always needing something. My dad would send me to feed and water. There was always a fence that needed repairing or some thing or other.

I had to go to the barn and climb up into the loft and wrestle down a bit of the hay separating the bats and tossing them down so that the horses and cows could get to it. When I did this I just naturally tended to be very careful because of a bad experience I had already had not too long before. You see just below where I had to cross some beams without flooring, in order to drop the hay down in the right spot, there was the big brown mushy swamp of cow pies. I slipped out of the loft while trying to tote too much hay one time. I reckon a person falls faster than hay because I wound up buried up in wet cow patties and sprinkled with hay. I’m sure that dad wasn’t happy about all that …

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Do Hillbillies Talk Funny?

This piece could have been titled Interview With A Hillbilly.

I was led back down a long hall way that separated the storage side of the barns from the rest. The last doorway on the left. A shadow in the shape of a man. The room is dark. He begins to speak, his voice garbled and disguised electronically.

My guide is explaining about the interview process but the mysterious figure is already talking. “Shh! Listen!”

The guide says, “Ha ha he talks funny,” and then continues to ramble about the coffee down at cafe.

I heard the mysterious figure expounding upon the deepest secrets and mysteries of the universe but I forgot to write any of it down because my guide was talking too much. “Shut up and Listen! I want to write down what he says!”

And here, friends and neighbors, is what he said:

When I was just a baby I used to cry every day because I wasn’t a hillbilly. Why did mom and dad have to go to the wrong side of the river just before I was born? How …

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The Click Clack Slide Ghost

One night, a mother told her own daughter to go buy some milk and she also told her to watch out for the railroad tracks. While the girl was crossing the railroad tracks, one of shoes got stuck and suddenly, she saw a train coming in the distance, she was still struggling to get her foot off the tracks, and the train was coming closer… and closer. Until, the train hit her, she lost both her legs but no one ever saw the poor little girl ever again.

Many years after that, there was another mother and told her own daughter to go and buy 3 bottles of milk. After that, when the girl came back, the mother was angry and said ‘You only bought 2 bottles of milk!’ And the mother decided that the little girl should be punished, and said that the girl should sleep outside for the night in the tent and said ‘and watch out for the click clack slide…’

So that night, while the girl was sleeping, something woke her up. She heard a noise from outside…click clack slide… click …

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Mamaw Gerty Talks About Cooking Biscuits And Gravy

Hillbilly recipe for biscuits and gravy from Mamaw Gerty!

Howdy to the folks on the innernet. My name is Merly Jean and I am gonna write some thangs that my Mamaw Gerty is a gettin reddy ta tell me.

Why thank ya Merly Jean, no dont write that. Well Ok leave it in then. Lawd that child! Now that I am a famous person on the innernet I figgered I wud tell yall bout a special recipe we got fer making the best delishusest biscits and gravy you ever seed. If n you like to eat atall yore gonna love my recipe. Now mind ya it haint nuthin faincy, just old fashuned good home cookin.

Most a yall probly gots one a them new fangled ovens whuts got that radio dial lookin thang that tells ya how hot it is in thar. My Henry took an bawt me one back in 19 and 78 and it was the ornriest thang ta get use to. But I like it jess fine now. When I start gittin reddy ta make my biscits and gravy I reach over …

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